Yearning For Zion

I spent a couple of hours yesterday watching video and reading articles about the Yearning For Zion Ranch situation (down here in Texas, no less). I also read some articles about women who have left the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints.

This blog is a comment that I wrote in response to Jonalyn Fincher's blog. She was talking about the need for freedom for women to do whatever they are called to do in life; i.e. work or stay home, as well as questioning the sanctity of "mother love" as an instinct in women in light of the FLDS mothers who allowed their children to live in an abusive situation, but are wanting their children back. I agree with Jonalyn in her desire to bring freedom to women in the church who have been under restrictive or controlling lifestyles. But I don't think that it has to do specifically with working, or staying home with kids, or other life situations.

I believe that the real issue we are talking about here is an identity issue, and a spiritual issue. I have been both a full time mom and a full time worker at different times during my adult life. What I have found is that freedom in my life comes not from my physical circumstances, but from freedom in my spirit to be the person God is calling me to be. I am changing in Him each day, and I will be until I die. What form it takes in the natural is not so much the point as my right to obey the Lord as He leads me.

I had to learn that my wants and needs are valid, that my "no" is valid, and that I can trust my instincts. Control of any kind is actually abuse. Control can be maintained by religious reasoning, physical intimidation, verbal intimidation, and things as subtle as undermining one's confidence in one's basic instincts.

I see the women in the FLDS church subject to all these kinds of abuse in an overt way. I agree with Jonalyn that it happens in the Christian church too. The issues of women's roles is one place where it can happen, but that is just a small part of it. Anytime guilt is used to control behavior, or when fear is part of our Christian walk, we are being controlled by a spirit other than the Holy Spirit. "Shoulds" and "Oughts" are not from the Lord either. It is much bigger in our Christian culture than we realize, and we can't see it until we move out of it.

Men suffer the same bondage that women do if they are kept in any way from the freedom God has for them. I believe that men who want to control the people around them are in as much bondage if not more than those they are controlling. I should add here that women are equally part of the problem when it comes to controlling. It just looks different most the time.

Ultimately, what we are really dealing with here is the age old battle between God and Satan. God always wants to lead us into freedom, and Satan always wants to lead us into bondage. When Jesus came to earth, he did treat women amazingly differently than their culture. But he also treated men differently. He accepted sinners and oppressed of all kinds, and announced his ministry with the passage from Isaiah 61..."The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to preach Good News to the poor, He has sent me to proclaim that captive will be released, that the blind will see, that the downtrodden will be freed from their oppressors, and that the time of the Lord's favor has come."

Honestly, as I have begun to walk in the freedom that comes because the Spirit of the Lord is in me, my distinctions between men and women, or circumstances, or functions in life has melted away. I now see myself, and the Christians around me, as a part of the body of Christ, where there is "neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female." I am so delighted to walk in the same ministry that Jesus did-That of bringing freedom to the captives. Any time I hear His voice and obey, I bring the same freedom that He did; to myself, and to those around me, no matter who they are. They might be my children, they might be my coworkers, they might be the people I interact with daily. It doesn't really matter who. 

On Sunday night we celebrated Passover, which is the perfect picture of how the Lord takes us out of our bondage and into freedom. It's pretty ugly- there are the plagues, the unhappy Pharaoh, the leaving of the familiar, moving into the unknown, insurmountable obstacles like the Red Sea, and even 40 years wandering in the desert if we don't quite get it. But it is the hallmark of God's ministry in our lives. 

My heart breaks for the women of the Yearning For Zion ranch. And yet, I'll bet you anything this is God answering their yearning. Because He will always find and free those who truly yearn for Him.

Snow Day

This morning I left for work, and it was cold and overcast. By noon it was snowing big cotton ball sized flakes. At 1:30 a guy at church said that the Denton schools were closing down, so I rushed over to the kids' school, and got them. We crawled home at 15mph with the many other non-snow drivers, and made it. I probably could have used chains, which of course I don't have. William is just now walking in the door; it took him an hour and a half to get home. Meanwhile, the kids made some big snowmen in the front yard.

Hi There

So, almost two months later, I'm back for an update. I started my job working at GOZ, and even though I'm only in the office 20 hrs a week or less, I'm still very busy. Those hours at home were good for getting a lot done. I'm adjusting to doing things a new way, in less time. Or doing less...:-) So far my biggest work has been to make sure all the volunteers are in place each Sunday. Today was the most sketchy, because I had three out of six workers gone. It definately was a Trust God day, and it worked out. I shuffled people around, got a couple of friends to fill in for an hour each, and one mom actually asked me if I needed anyone (bless her), so she filled out the baby nursery. I think I'm going to send out some Thank You cards this week. Being in the church office has been fun. I'm getting to know a lot of people, and I'm having a great time being an extrovert.

A couple who pastor at our church have gotten the green light on starting a married with kids group. Today we had them and three other couples and their kids over to our house to talk about it. I'm excited to have some community, and I know that many other families will too. I made a list from the nursery roster of possible families, and came up with about 40 couples. That kind of surprised everyone. But there really is a need. Our church is growing, and people need to plug in somehow. I think it will be good.

Tonight we are expecting some exciting weather. All weekend its been balmy, 70's with cloud cover blowing in from the south. Somewhere in the early morning, we are supposed to have thunderstorms, and possibly flash floods, as well as snow and freezing rain when the cold front from the north hits. Tomorrow is supposed to be freezing, with highs in the 50's. There is a tornado watch in effect, which means tornadoes are possible. We'll sleep peacefully, expecting children and thunder sometime in the early morning, and the weather radio next to the bed to let us know of any excitement. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

The girls got to be in a Purim play Dinner Theater at church this weekend, and Abigail was Esther. She did great, and spoke her lines clearly and loud enough. We loved seeing our girls on stage. The middle schoolers did a Cowboy Purim, with lots of western movie knockoff. That was funny, and they lip synced some funny Cowboy Purim songs that someone found. We had a dinner beforehand, and had a great time with various friends we gathered at our table. I met a lady in the parking lot who just moved here from Nebraska at the end of December. She hasn't met many people yet. I found out a lot about her; her story is like ours, and so many people at GOZ: God told her to come here, so she came. She left behind her grandchildren and children, and is delighted to be here. It feels like we are living in a magnet, with people coming from all over. I wonder what's going to happen next?

On Wounds and Bad Theology

I read Grandpa's letter this week in which he talked about the old Holiness theology from way back when. We found out that the old Holiness bird isn't actually quite dead recently in a theological "discussion" with a friend. He had a number of out of context verses to prove the point that there were two levels of salvation, and we went round and round for a while.

What we've seen in our friend is that it is all about his wounds from his absent father being superimposed on God. He only can imagine a God who requires perfect behavior in order to accept us, and also really doesn't love us or want a relationship with us. I'll bet you that crazy theologies could be directly traced back to father issues in those purporting them.

Grandpa talked about the good preaching from the Greek, and scripture in context being a big answer for this (and all) kind of heresy. I agree. But I also think that in whatever ways people are wounded, there is a wrong theology for them to agree with. Or they'll make one up that works for them. ie. Joseph Smith. (Or maybe I should say that Satan is standing ready with a perversion of the truth to feed them.) Their reality that they've experienced matches a messed up view of God. When Jesus shows up in their lives and actually loves them, and heals their hearts, the theology changes to match His reality. Suddenly large portions of scripture make sense.

Interestingly, I think that fewer Christians than we might expect have had that kind of personal encounter with Jesus that changes their view of reality. I think that a weakness in our American Christian culture is to substitute preaching and knowledge of the Bible for the encounter with the Lord through the Holy Spirit. I remember thinking in College that we talked a lot about our "relationship" with Jesus, but I really didn't know how to have a relationship with a person that I couldn't see or hear. I wanted to have a real relationship with this living God, not just talk about it like I knew what I was talking about. I'd say that a lot of pretending was going on, in me and my friends. I told the Lord that I wanted a real relationship with Him, not what I had. And, He's definitely been working on that since.

I see now that a relationship with Him is impossible if the Holy Spirit is not given the correct place in my life. The Holy Spirit is the one that Jesus left to be our teacher and comforter and empowerer. If I'm afraid of the Holy Spirit, then I miss out on the person who is meant to minister to me in my daily life, through the Bible, and other ways. He's creative. And He's one and the same with Jesus and God. So nothing He does will violate the nature of who God is or scripture. There are boundaries, but they feel different than the intellectual exercise I used to engage in as my normal operating system for my Christian life.

Simmering Down

The holidays are over, our house guests are gone, and everyone is back in school. This week I enjoyed getting the house back into order, and relaxing. I love having family (Dan and Jacquie DeHart and our friend Wendy) stay with us, and I love having everyone home for the Christmas break. But I also appreciate the structure of the schedule when we go back to it.

During the last week our church hosted a big conference at the UNT basketball stadium. I had fun working in the concession stand on Thursday and Friday for four hours each. I always laugh to realize anew what a people person I am. I love helping people get what they need, and the pressure doesn't bother me. It reminded me of when I used to help Aunt Gretchen sell rubber stamps in college. This time I was selling coffee and snacks. But the same rush of people. In return, the church gave me and the other volunteers a $50 gift certificate to the GOZ store, and the new worship CD. I felt more than compensated for my time and effort.

I'm enjoying our new car, and so is William. At the dealership, we had a choice between a 4-cylinder model, and the 6-cylinder super fancy model. I convinced him that the price difference wasn't enough to justify getting less car, so we got the really nice one. He's glad he listened to me as we zoom along at 85 mph with little engine effort. It's definitely the nicest car I've ever owned.

We are looking forward to my parents and Gretchen and Anders' visit in February. We are going to go to my cousin Chad's wedding, and have BBQ at a great place we just discovered, among other things.

Bourne Then and Now

This weekend we watched The Bourne Ultimatum, and then The Bourne Identity, because one is not enough. I love these films, but everytime I see one, I have to get on my soapbox about action film heros now vs. in the 80's.

When I first saw The Bourne Identity five years ago, I enjoyed it so much that I decided to read the Robert Ludlum novels which the movies are based on. I was very surprised to discover that Jason Bourne in the novels is really a chauvanistic jerk. He kidnaps Marie from a hotel and forces her to help him at gun point. It's been long enough since I read them that I don't remember if they get together, but I think at the least she helps him of her own free will after that. He is also ruthless and amoral. I recommend the books, because the stories are great, but they are definately different. There is also a Bourne Identity movie made much closer to the time of the books, and it's Bourne is very close to the book Bourne. We didn't enjoy it very much.

However, knowing the books, I laugh everytime I watch the new Bourne movies. It is such a great example of how the cultural expectations for men and relationships leave a lasting imprint on the hero. Far from the macho jerk in the books, Bourne in the movies is a Really Good Guy. He's an assassin, but he only kills the other assassins who are trying to kill him first. He doesn't carry a gun, but rather finds one each time he has to use one. He can speak any language, evade a chase in any tiny vehicle, defend himself with a ballpoint pen or rolled up magazine, yet he is lost without Marie. When it comes time to enlist Marie's help, he offers her a lot of money, and lets her choose. That is so much more appropriate behavior, because women today need to choose their destinies. It isn't until the bad guys kill Marie that he moves from reactive to proactive, and we know it's all because his heart is broken, so we can forgive just about anything. He's a killer we can love. He hardly even swears.

I sit there laughing and pointing out these things as we watch, and I love the films because Bourne is the kind of hero I can empathize with, for all the above reasons. I guess I'm as shaped by the culture I live in as Bourne is.

GOZ Christmas musical

This year Madeline and Abigail are dancing in the grand finale of our Glory of Zion Christmas musical. I've been having fun going to the rehersals with them and seeing more of the musical. Their part is at the end, but if any of you would like to see the musical, you can watch the live webcast online on Dec. 15th at 6:30pm CST. The link is http://www.gloryofzion.org/. You just choose the webcast info box at the bottom left corner of the screen, and follow the directions. The picture quality isn't the best, but the sound will be good. I'll try to wave at the camera. Maybe you'll see me!

My Own Little Hanukkah

This year we are celebrating Hanukkah, along with Christmas. So, tonight, something funny happened. For a little background, Hanukkah is a celebration of the miracle that happened when Judah Maccabee led a small army against the Romans, and reclaimed the temple in Jerusalem. It was before the time of Christ, during the 400 years between Old and New Testament. After they cleaned and prepared the temple, the Jews dedicated it again to the Lord. The Feast of Dedication, or Hanukkah, was scheduled to last for a week, but when they went to light the menorah, there was only enough oil for one day. It took 8 days to consecrate new oil for burning, so they couldn’t wait for that to happen. The miracle was that the oil lasted for the entire eight days, until the new oil was ready and could be used.

So Hanukkah is a celebration of God’s miracles of provision, and the Hanukkiah is a menorah with nine candle holders instead of seven like in the menorah. The middle candle is called the “servant candle,” which is a prophetic picture of Jesus. Jesus is called the light of the world, and said that if you want to be great in God’s kingdom, you must be a servant.

So, back to the story…I got nine votive candles and lined them up with little tea lights in them. I lit the center candle and the first candle on the left. We'll light one more each night. We enjoyed it for a while, and then I blew them out. William came by and said, “Hey, these aren’t burning!” I responded, “Yes, I blew them out because I didn’t want to use up all the tea light before the end of the eight days.” Ummm….Oh, that’s exactly what Hanukkah is celebrating-the miracle of the oil that lasted when there was only enough for one day. It struck me really funny that I was having the same worries the Jews had. I’m not sure I’m quite able to keep the votives burning for eight days straight just to see if the Miracle of Light happens in my living room.

By the way, Jesus celebrated Hanukkah too. See the following scripture.

John 10:22-39

Then came the Feast of Dedication at Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was in the temple area walking in Solomon's Colonnade. The Jews gathered around him, saying, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly."

Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father's name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

Again the Jews picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus said to them, "I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?"

"We are not stoning you for any of these," replied the Jews, "but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God."

Jesus answered them, "Is it not written in your Law, `I have said you are gods'? If he called them `gods,' to whom the word of God came-and the Scripture cannot be broken- what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, `I am God's Son'? Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does. But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father." Again they tried to seize him, but he escaped their grasp.

It's interesting that Jesus keeps referring to the miracles He has performed, especially in light of the fact that they were celebrating the miracle God did at the first Feast of Dedication at the time.

I Got A Job!

About six weeks ago, the girl in charge of the children's ministry at our church told me she was going to be needing an assistant to take care of the nursery. She thought of me right away, since we've worked together well on that before. So, I've been all excited for a while now.

In the meanwhile, she's been trained to take on more responsibilities, and I've been waiting to see what happens. This Sunday, she officially introduced me to Chuck Pierce, who is the president of our church organization, and whom I've only known by proximity. Then, yesterday she called me because she's working on a job description for me. It looks like I'll be working with her about 25-30 hours a week; coordinating the nursery, and helping with other stuff for the children's ministry.

I'm really excited to have a job, especially one like this, where the hours work with the kid's school schedule, and the fun of working at church with her.

Last night I made a fake turkey dinner with a roasted chicken, cranberry sauce, box stuffing, green beans and gravy. It was really good. I felt stuffed afterwards, just like I do on Thanksgiving. Those flavors just require eating a little extra. I resisted the urge to make a pumpkin pie. That can happen another night.

On the Abigail front, Abby's teacher called last week to let me know that Abby had taken all the tests with the school counselor, and was now going to be allowed to be tested for dyslexia. They do a bunch of IQ tests to see if the child's intelligence is far enough ahead of their reading skills to warrant dyslexia testing. So, now we know what we've always known...Abby is a smart cookie. I have been very pleased to see her reading signs and things for fun while we are out doing things. It is going to be great to see her get the help she needs to move on with reading.

I've been using coconut oil for all kinds of skin issues lately. I got an ant bite the other day, and I put coconut oil on it, and the pain went away. I also rub it on Abby's eczema, and that always clears right up, and when Sam stepped on an ant mound accidentally in sandals and got about 11 bites, I rubbed it on his feet and put socks on them. His bites are numerous enough that I keep doing it every night, and before he went to school today. I think it makes a big difference. I know that Aunt Luanne had a coconut oil business of some kind. What happened with that? I had to buy my coconut oil at the natural foods store for $15 for a 16oz container. There's some money in that stuff...

Bacon Bits

I was very surprised this morning when I went out to take the kids to the bus stop to see ICE on our van windows. I had no idea we were going to hit freezing tempuratures this fast. Especially since last week we were in the 80's. My thin summer blood is slowly thickening up. The leaves on our oak tree turned red overnight, and I'm being hit with an urge to bake. I think its safe to say that fall is here.
A couple of Saturdays ago Madeline came out of her bedroom, saw Will and I finishing up some bacon, and said sadly, "I want some bacon too!" I responded, tenderly, "I'm so sorry honey, there were only seven pieces." But then I realized how rediculous that sounded. Only seven? William sheepishly said, "Actually, there were nine." I couldn't stop laughing, and Madeline was sitting there with a confused look on her face, trying to figure out what was so funny. You'd think that nine peices of bacon would keep a family of five at least slightly satisfied for bacon. But, that day, it didn't. Will and I now repeat the line "I'm so sorry honey, there were only seven peices of bacon" when things seem a little out of balance around here.

Moose Alert!

OK, I think Fall has finally come to Denton. I'm a little wary to say so, because it might be 90 degrees tomorrow, but last night I left two windows open 1 inch each, and the circulating fan on, and the house was 68 degrees by morning. We've been A/C-ing to keep it at 75 degrees for the last five months. I love being able to open the windows and air everything out finally. I realized that I'm used to open windows from life in California, so it's been a little strange to get used to having them closed so much of the time. I see now the value of candles in freshing the old air.

Abigail said something really funny the other night, but before I tell the story, I'll give a little history. Abby has consistantly been about one year behind grade level in her reading abilities, and we even had her repeat first grade in home school to give her time to catch up a bit. This year she's in third grade. A few days into the school year, her teacher called me to say that she loves Abigail, she's a great student, but have we ever considered getting her tested for dyslexia? I think she was expecting me to balk at the idea, so was surprised when I said we never have had her tested, but that we'd be very grateful for any help or illumination shed on the problem. I had been praying for some kind of breakthrough for Abby, and I felt like this was the thing. So I gave her the go-ahead for whatever process is involved. I had to laugh because her teacher said, "Well, I'm happy to say that her difficulty reading hasn't affected her self-confidence!" Yes, she'd noticed that...

Back to the story... Last night Abigail said to me, "Mom, why do I have to learn to read? I can read street signs, like 'STOP' and 'MOOSE!'" I'm afraid that here in North Texas that may not be the most necessary skill... So we had a little conversation about the value of reading, and so on. By the way, Abby has a new blog. You can get to it with the link on this blog.

Here are a few road signs that Abby, and any Texas driver should know... Definately be aware of "Armadillo X-ing." I have never seen a live Armadillo, yet, but I have seen many dead ones on the side of the road.

I also recommend that the crazy cross country truck drivers pay close attention to this one. And Abby too, for that matter, because flipped trucks are a surprisingly common sight on the freeways here. William even had a major backup one day because a truck had flipped over on an overpass, and was balancing on the edge, so all the traffic going under had to be diverted to the frontage road. I also have to add the story about the flipped FedEx truck. There were packages scattered in the fields on the side of the freeway for hundreds of feet. Will and I had fun imagining scenarios: "I'm sorry ma'am, but your package is somewhere in the middle of Texas. We won't be able to retrieve it..." or "Joe, we need to get someone down there to collect and catalog what fell out. Get some guys on it and report by Monday." (Meanwhile, there is a severe thunderstorm...) Or, "Opps." And, to show you how common this problem is, there is another story about a randomly tipped truck on the onramp to the I35. It was just lying on it's side in the praire grass like a beached whale. It wasn't even a very sharp turn. How does this keep happening?

And then, my favorite saying, "Turn around, Don't Drown." Whenever we have a flashflood warning, the computer voice at the end of the broadcast says this in an eerie monotone. I like to copy it when we get lots of rain.

And of course, this being Texas, Abby really should become aware of possible cattle danger. Also appropriate is the motorcycle in the corner. On warm, but not too hot, days, we see many middle-aged men with no helmets crusing the area. Maybe someone should make a sign that emphasizes the safety of helmets. Helmet-less riders cause us more worry than the other hazards combined. I guess its all about perspective.

Oh, Abby's testing will begin in a few weeks. The red tape is long and tangled, I guess. But the district has a great program that makes a big difference. I'm looking forward to seeing what they do with her.

Happy Birthday, Madeline!

Madeline was 11 on Sept. 20th. Wow. She pooled all her birthday money to buy a Nintendo DS lite. It's the first piece of high tech equipment owned by one of my children. I read an article recently about how 'tweens are demanding more high tech toys. And I realized that I now have a "'tween". Hmm. I'm glad to be a young mom. Most people think that Sam is my oldest, and they're surprised when I tell them I have two other older daughters. It's kind of fun, actually.

On another note, I got a part-time job as assistant to the children's ministry director at church. We have worked together on nursery things before, so I know we work well together. I haven't actually started the job yet. I'm thinking things will start in October. But its a new page in my life that I'm looking forward to.

Encore...

This spider has definitely been the most popular thing on my blog for a long time. William could not resist getting another photo for my appreciative audience. Here's lookin' atcha.

Things Are Bigger in Texas

At the end of July we discovered this spider in our backyard. We had seen few others on the bushes near the pool, and had marveled at the size and color. I put my hand there to give a sense of proportion. You can see a look of slight concern on my face, although I'm sure this is a harmless garden spider. The size is just creepy. And so are the bright yellow markings.

But, I will say that more bugs have been fun for the kids. Abby and Sam love to catch crickets and grasshoppers; Abby is quite fearless about grabbing them. We also have been seeing decent sized toads at night, along with flying bugs we've never seen in California.

Fall Snap

Today was the first day with a cold snap in the air. This morning, instead of the usual 85 degree plus weather we've been experiencing, it was 65 degrees. I opened the windows for the first time in about 5 months, and am really enjoying the fresh fall air.

A Taste of New Year's Day

You can check Erin's blog later, but I will announce that her baby was born today at 12:30pm. Congratulations Erin and Jim! I'll let them give the rest of the facts on their blog.

I was cleaning out my refrigerator yesterday, and I found a container of bleu cheese that had no purpose. I saw that I had the rest of the stuff for a cheese ball, so I made three small ones last night. Today, I sat down with a mound of cheese ball and crackers for lunch. As I tasted it, I had the immediate thought, "Tastes like New Year's!" It is so wierd how a taste can take you somewhere. We only made cheese balls at New Year's, so to eat one in September is like time travel. Yummy.

Some Good Books

I found a mystery series that I'm enjoying. It's called the Dame Frevisse Medieval Mystery series, by Margaret Frazer. The main character is a Benedictine nun. They are set in medieval England in the 1400's. Besides great writing and character development, I'm enjoying the prayers that Dame Frevisse thinks about through out her day. It's almost like reading a devotional sometimes. Each story takes place in a different realm of medieval society, so I'm learning a lot about that culture. Anyway, I highly recommend these books.

The other series I'm enjoying is the #1 Ladies Detective Agency books by Alexander McCall Smith. I've read most of them, and when I'm in the mood for Africa instead of medieval England, I just switch books. His other series, The Sunday Philosophy Club, and The Portuguese Irregular Verb books are also very good. I love the fact that one Scottish author can write so personally about Botswana, Scotland, and Germany. Each series has its own feeling; the characters are different from each other, but the things that make Alexander McCall Smith good are there in each one. One theme in all three series is what it means to be an individual as part of a larger community. He also does a great job of exploring moral choices in relationships, and the dynamics of relationships in general.

Portuguese Irregular Verbs is the funniest little three volume set. It describes the misguided exploits of a relationally clueless bachelor German professor. He is always getting into embarrassing situations, but half the time he’s not quite aware of it. Everyone around him is responding appropriately, but he thinks they’re the ones with the problem. When he is aware of his relational mistakes, he is in agony trying to fix the problem, which usually leads to more problems. They are fun reading.

Last but not least, I started a new Beth Moore bible study last night called “Believing God.” In her opening lecture, Beth talked about the gap between our theology and our reality. She said that faith, or believing God, is the bridge that crosses that gap, and connects our theology and reality into an authentic experience. I was so blessed by the last study I did, and I’m looking forward to this one.

The Bride of Christ

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be the Bride of Christ...personally and corporately. I've made friends with a Lebonese woman in my town. She is really beautiful, and I feel like she is the closest match I've met that might fit into the Song of Solomon poem. I never really got the references to Pomogranates and flocks of goats and so on. But for some reason those words make sense next to her.

She showed me her wedding photos last time we met. It was great to see the entire 24 hour process captured, with the traditional ceremonies and dancing and so on. She said that they bascially start saving for their weddings at birth, and when they hear about how much celebrities here in the US spend on weddings they laugh, because proportionally, it is less than the usual Lebonese wedding. It was really lavish, with jewels and silks and glittery makeup and expensive everything. Lots of food and dancing, with my friend the center of the celebration as the bride.

Seeing the wedding got me thinking about what it means to be the Bride of Christ. For some reason the Lord chose to express His heart to us through the middle eastern culture, with the Jews as His chosen people, and the Bible being culturally based there. As I ruminated on what I'd seen in current times, the ancient words began to hold more meaning. The bride is so valued and lavished on, and Christ sees the Church that way. It's all about the Bride.

I used to see myself as a tool of the Lord. I believed that my purpose was to be used by him for his purposes. My needs and growth were less important than being useful to the Lord. Over the years, my view has changed, and now I see myself (and each Christian) as the main point. I am not here to be used, I am here to become exactly the woman that I am destined to be. In that process, I get to do the good works that have been planned since the beginning of time. I believe those good works are specific for each person. They fit who we are, and it's less about doing lots of good, than it is doing exactly the good that is specifically planned for us. It's about Trust and Obey.

When I think about the Church as the Bride, I see a whole new level of value. We aren't just a bunch of people who believe certian truths, who are saved from hell, who behave, who gather each Sunday. We are a living body that is being fashioned into a bride fit for the King. How different to hear the King say, "You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners." (Song of Songs 6:4) And His banner over us is Love.

New Old Home Details

We've been doing lots of things to our house. We've been here for about 13 months now, and things are getting more refined. One of the few things I don't like about my kitchen is that it doesn't have any windows. The wall where the window would be has the stove on it, so that's that. I realized that the newer houses here tend to have less windows than the old houses I've grown up in. I'm sure it because we have to heat and cool the house pretty much all year, so it saves money. Here you can see my latest brain wave: Hanging old windows between the livingroom and kitchen. I found them at a Habitat for Humanity warehouse where contractors take their old home parts and dump them instead of a landfill. You can find just about anything that used to be in a house. And in the back was a big pile of old windows. They were $2.50 each. Obviously no one sees any value in them. I've been thinking about how to get a few into the house somehow for about a year, since I saw them last summer.

In this photo of me and the kids last Sunday morning, you can see the shelf behind me, which Dan DeHart installed for me last summer. I've put a bunch of the things that I never had a spot for before, including a collection of old kitchen utensils from Uncle Elmer. I guess my goal is to make my new house look as old as possible. Its kind of working.

The First Day of School

I'm entering a new phase of life: All my kids are at school all day. It's nice, but very different. I realized that I haven't had any alone time for the last eleven years unless a babysitter made it possible. So, now I have 7 hours a day to myself.

Today I went to Panera and drank tea and read a book after dropping off the kids, and then grocery shopping, and the Bank, and prayer at church. It was great to take my time, and have peace, but I don't talk much by myself. I have to remember to sing to keep my voice from getting croaky. I heard another mom talking to her toddler in the store, and I realized that usually that's me doing the talking. This not talking thing is kind of a surprise.

The kids did fine on their first day. Sam was pretty reluctant, but we went to "Meet your teacher night" on Monday, so he got to see his room and meet the teacher. That helped make him less worried about Kidnergarten. On Tuesday morning, we went to school with Chrissa down the street, also K, and her mom. (See photo) She is Sam's friend, and was in his class too, fortunately. As I left, I realized that there are these portholes in the wall to Sam's class where the worried parents can observe their little darling secretly. I took photos so you can get the feeling too. You can see Sam and Chrissa at their table if you look carefully.

Madeline and Abby are getting used to their new teachers. Abby's is more strict than last years, so that's different. Madeline has a nice group of teachers too, and she moves from subject to subject in different classes. Good practice for next year.

Of course I had to document the sweaty, hot, tired, hungry children as they disembarked from the bus at the end of the day. They'll be riding the bus both ways. Sam said the bus is his favorite part of the day.

Hello everyone,

We've made it through February...It's amazing to realize that we are almost one year from our big transition to Texas that began last April.

I am excited to be making a short visit to California next week to visit a few family members. I'm also going to visit Trader Joe's...I definately miss that place! It will be my first time back since the move, so I'm looking forward to the trip.

This summer we are also going to CA for Will's sister's wedding, and then a vacation during July. We'll get to hit all our favorite spots and get a fill of the beach.

I just started a Beth Moore Bible Study at church, which I can tell is going to be a blessing. I'm also glad to get to know some of the other women in the church better.

That's the basics for now...Really basic...

I made it to the library

Its horrifying to see that my last post was about four months ago. But, since then our laptop with the wireless card died, so blogging at the library is tricky with Sam in tow. I'm doing it today though, despite all.

We had a good Christmas...our first away from family. On Christmas Eve I was thinking that this is our "cold turkey Christmas" where we celebrate with no family at all. And, interestingly, we got invited to a neighbor's house for Christmas dinner, and they served cold turkey. They had cooked and carved the bird the night before, and then refrigerated it on it's platter. So we had hot potatoes and gravy, and hot stuffing, and hot yams, and cold turkey. I thought that was quite symbolic.

I have been getting to know a lot of my neighbors, and am really enjoying building relationships with a whole new crowd. It's been a good foil for me to see myself in a new setting, and I'm seeing more clearly who I am.

I've been experiencing a lot of joy when I realize that I am becoming more and more free from all the old "should" messages I used to live under (see David's blog about niceness). In church on Sunday we were singing a song about how Pharoah kept God's people from experiencing the life God had for them. And then the next verse talks about we don't have Pharoah in America today, but we have religious and political structures that create bondage in the same way. The chorus says, "freedom to dance, freedom to sing, freedom to live." As I was singing (and dancing) I found myself suprisingly emotional. I realized that freedom in the Lord through trusting him and the Holy Spirit to lead me in all things has changed my Christian life immensely. I don't worry about knowing the right answers, or even being ready to argue the latest apologitic with some poor soul. I know that any power to change peoples' lives comes directly from the Lord, not me. So the pressure is off in every way, and I just get to sit back and trust and obey, and see the results. It's so delightful and freeing.

Long in the Tooth

Grandpa made a mention that my blog is getting "long in the tooth," which I thought was a very good description. I haven't been online in weeks. But, to catch everyone up, we had a great time with Heather and David and the kids when they were here earlier this month. Our kids got along great, and it was nice to see that our house can handle two families. Heather and I went and found Central Market, which is a really upscale grocery store about 40 minutes away. I've been wanting to go there, so we had fun checking it out. Having the Shackelfords here made our house feel even more like a home. I'm looking forward to building fun memories like that as time goes on.

Madeline and Abigail are doing well in school, and Will's job is bumping along at a satisfactory rate. We are really settling into our life routine here.

I am enjoying spending time with Sam during the day, and I am also getting to know some of my neighbors, which is fun.

Church has been wonderful and encouraging. We had a gathering this last Saturday night, and I have to say that the highlight for me was when the worship leader moved into rap during one of the songs. David and Heather can understand what that might look like, having visited. Anyway, I definately enjoyed the spontinaity (sp?) and general fun we have there.

I am helping in the 4 year old class now, since we have moved to a two service format starting this week. So I work with the kids from 7:30am to 11:00, and then go to the second service with Will and the kids. I've committed to work through December, so we'll see how that goes. Anyway, I really appreciate all that my kids recieve there, so I'm glad to give something back.

Since Labor Day the weather has been much more moderate, and today was in the high 70's. Fall is in the air-my favorite time of year. I love being able to open the windows and air out the house.

Yesterday we went on a walk, and for fun stopped at the community pool. On a whim we let the kids go in in their clothes, which they loved. They shivered their way home, but it was a great unusual experience.

More daily details

I'm at the library again, so I can post some news. Things are slowly coming together, but we are still living in the moving chaos of unpacked boxes and bags with no place to put the contents yet. However, I conqured the livingroom furniture yesterday by finally arranging it in a way that feel right. And I took the trouble to hem all four sides of a 30 ft peice of fabric that I bought for a "window treatment" which is finally up and looking good. I took some photos, which I'll post as soon as possible.

Will has been working these last two weeks going to district conferences and setting up his room. There are a ton of details, but he's finally figuring out what the curriculum is. School starts Monday, August 14th for him, so we are down to the wire on prep time.

The girls are going to be attending our local elementary school here in Denton, and that starts on Tuesday, August 15th. I'm looking forward to the structure and schedule, and also time to concentrate on household orgaization tasks. Sam is pretty self entertaining, so I'll have time to think things through.

A few details about the physical location of our home...We are about 3 miles south of Denton's downtown area off of the I-35 west. Our tract stands alone surrounded by trees and fields, so it's very quiet and pretty. We are only 1/2 mile from the offramp, and Will can take the I-35 down to Ft Worth where he is teaching. It's about a 40 minute drive, but only a small part of it has traffic, which he can avoid with surface streets if necessary.

Our church, the kid's school, and downtown shopping etc are all about 5 miles away. So we get the luxury of a rural setting with the convenience of town nearby.

We really like Denton. Last night I was talking to Will about the homey feeling we have in certian parts of town. I love knowing that this is our hometown, and I love the history here.

Lots going on

We have had a very busy and nice past two weeks. We moved into our new home on July 13th, and Dan and Jacquie DeHart arrived two days later to help us move our things out of storage and work on the home. We have been painting, bringing over loads of things, Dan built a shelf in the kitchen, and installed doors for the study/Sam's room, and other miscellaneous things. It has been great to have them here, and show them our life in Texas.

Then, my parents arrived one week later, and they just left yesterday. We had a nice grandparents birthday party for Abigail, (and my mom) and got to take them on a little tour of the Denton area and show them around. It was so nice to see both sets of parents, and now we are beginning to experience life at a more normal pace in our new home. There are still lots of things to do, but we'll keep plugging away.

Both grandparents took our kids school shopping, and really blessed us and the kids with some school clothes, shoes and supplies, as well as the emotional energy it takes to actually do the shopping. It was fun for the kids, and now their shoes and clothes have special meaning for them, as gifts from grandmas and grandpas.

One note of excitement (for me at least) is that I got a front loader washer (with matching dryer). I've been doing research for the last three years on them, and I am all excited to have my own new washer and dryer. I really like using the front loader because it uses so much less water, and gets the clothes very clean. Laundry is one of my favorite chores, so I am all pleased to have new machines.

On Thursday we went down to Fort Worth to find Will's school where he'll be teaching, and we were happy to see that it is at the very north of Ft. Worth, and as close to our home as possible. Also, it's a small school, with a good facility. He is glad to be in a real building instead of trailers like Agua Dulce. I think this will be a great situation for him.

School here starts August 15th, so we only two more weeks of summer, and then a real schedule begins. Will begins inservice days this week.

I'm looking forward to the luxury of time with Sam alone, and the schedule/structure that school brings.

Today is Finally the Day

Well, today is the day that we go sign all the paperwork and get the keys for our new home. The money came through yesterday, and all the ducks are finally lined up. So, 2:00pm is our appointment time, and after that we can start moving in.

We are all so excited, of course. And, Dan and Jacquie DeHart are driving to Texas as I write this, and should be arriving here Friday night or Saturday morning. They are going to stay with us, and help us move our stuff in. We will all be "camping" together. We are really looking forward to seeing them, and it will be great having them stay.

It's almost surreal to be at the day of move in, after all the ups and downs we've been through in this process. But, I give God the glory for our roots growing here. Our official address will be: 4500 Napa Valley Drive, Argyle, TX 76226. We will use our cell phones for a while. If you don't have those numbers, just e-mail me.

I found our digital camera, so I'll begin to post photos as I have internet access. Thanks for all your prayers during this process!

Update

A quick update on the house...we probably won't be in until Tuesday, due to various loan red tape intricacies. But, hopefully that will be the day. More to come.

The Wheels are Moving

Thank you for your many comments on Madeline and Abigail's blogs. They love reading them, and are so excited.

Today was a busy day. We found bought auto and motorcycle insurance, got a vehicle inspection done on our cars, ordered a new headlight casing for the Mazda so that it could pass the vehicle inspection, and did laundry. It was a very productive day, and we feel good and tired. As soon as we finish the inspection process we can register the cars, and then get our Texas driver's licenses. Lots of red tape, but we are charging through it.

I want to give the latest update on the house...It looks like we will be able to close on our house either tomorrow or Monday. We are just allowing ourselves to get excited about our new home, since we have kept it in check until we were more sure. I will really enter into the joy of a home when we have the keys in our hand. Already I've been thinking all about paint colors, and various decorating ideas. Its so fun to have a blank canvas before me to be creative with. I have to thank the Lord for His plans and provision in our lives. He is able to give us a better life than we could grasp for ourselves, and all the aspects that make up our "life" here so far are really orchestrated by Him.

It is neat to see the details emerge from the mist of possibilities and uncertianties that we've been living in for the last two months. Will has a job lined up for the Fall teaching ESL kids English, and preparing them for the classroom. I think he'll really enjoy the non-traditional classroom setting, and the various ethnic backgrounds he'll get to work with. And of course we have been hugely blessed and encouraged through this dramatic transition by our new church family at Glory of Zion. The Lord knew how much we'd need the support and community during this transition, and amazingly we found Glory our second Sunday here in Texas. So now, two months later, we are really fitting into the community, and getting to know quite a few people.

And now, last but not least we are getting a home to live in that we love, and that fits all our needs, and is in a great location for church and work. We could not have put together this triangle of structure if we had all the resources and knowledge ourselves. The Lord knows best.

We have felt so loved and supported (sometimes literally) by our family, and I want to thank you for your gifts and prayers. We have felt very loved by the Lord and by you. Of course we aren't quite settled yet, and there are still loose ends to tie up. And we know that this is just the beginning of our journey here in Texas. But it is nice to feel like the "vehicle for life" has been built. We'll see where we go in it.

I'm planning to post before and after photos of our house, as soon as I find the camera...

So all this is to say that I want to give all praise and glory to God because He has done, and is doing, the work of this transition. We are trusting and listening and obeying, but He is orchestrating the details. And he is doing work in our hearts too. The outside circumstances of life are all about the potter shaping the clay, and there is nothing like moving into the unknown to set up a big art session with God.

Two New Bloggers

In recent discovery of all the new cousin bloggers on the scene I decided to allow our two daughters to begin their own blogs. I realized how neat it will be ten years from now to look back and see the things they have written.

Chatter Box

Crosswords

It will be fun for them to hear from you all. You can bet you will be greeted with much enthusiasm.

The Latest in DeHart Drama

I have not blogged for a long time due to the fact that each day is a new drama, and just living life is enough work to keep me from more creative endevors like blogging. Finally, however, I wanted to give an update.

You can get caught up at Will's blog, too, if you haven't read it yet. Anyway, I am getting lots of practice at living one day at a time, and exercising my "faith muscles" in the midst.

This week is a telling week for the possible purchase of our house. Will made a fleece with the Lord that if this isn't the house for us, either the loan or the down payment will not come through. So, the loan has gone through with no hitches (despite being unemployed, homeless, and penniless for all intents and purposes), and now we are waiting on my in-laws for the down payment, which is in process. We are supposed to close this Friday, so we'll see. I am not counting my chicken until it hatches.

The Lord is providing for us in various ways as we walk through this transition. We have been blessed by some money from family at different times, and our church is helping us this week with room and board, and surprisingly, at mystery $99 turned up in the bank account through some kind of math error in the checkbook. So, each day we use what we have, and if we need something we pray about it. The Lord told us pointedly not to use the credit card at all, so we are being faithful not to, and really trusting Him to be faithful to provide.

Each day is scary, exciting, dramatic, and, interestingly, we have a lot of joy. For the last three years the Lord keeps bringing to our attention the verse, "The joy of the Lord is your strength" from Nehemiah. It seems that the whole point of our life right now is to learn what that looks like lived out in a faith walk with Him. When you don't have all the stuff you are used to, you get to practice majoring on the majors.

As a family we are doing well. The kids are great troopers through all this transition, and we are having good family time together in our small quarters. Will and I are getting good at meeting our basic needs for exercise by discovering lots of parks and indoor playplaces for the kids. It is quite hot during the day, so we avoid the park until after 6:30pm or so, and then enjoy the relative cool until the mosquitoes come out at dusk. I'd say we are definately more active and healthy than we were in Palmdale. There just seems to be more to do around here.

We are all loving our church, Glory of Zion. They have a great kids ministry, and I am happy because the kids are on the same track as the adults as far as what they do and learn in their times. We are encouraged every Sunday and Wednesday by what we are learning, and by the worship. We feel so blessed to have a church where we are surrounded by people who understand what the Lord is doing in our lives, and can encourage us to deeper belief and faith in Him and his promises.

So, that is the thumbnail update. I am experiencing a wide gamut of emotions, but even when it's hard I know that the Lord is doing a specific work in us during this time, and my job is to trust and obey him, and worship in the midst of it all.

Words from the Kids

Madeline says...I cannot wait to get my own room in our future house. I have lots of ideas how to decorate it, and I can't wait to paint the walls and put in my furniture. I hope it works out to get the house. My closet is really big in my room, and it has two rods for my clothes. I was thinking about painting horses on the walls, and making a background for them.

I would love to have a dog. If it was a girl, I'd like to name it Hazelnut. But it would be an outside dog. Me and Abigail could take it for walks and feed it, and bathe it. And we could clean up after it. I hope we get a dog.

Our house is really big. (1950 sq ft) We have a nice kitchen, and we can have both our tables in the house. It would be nice to have our own house.

Abigail says...Hello everyone who reads this. I hope everything is going good. My birthday is coming up, it's on July 30th if you forgot.

Hows all the grandmas and grandpas doing? If the person who reads this has kids, I hope they are doing well. Everything is going OK at this place. I've been a hungry hippo since we got to Texas. (Everything's bigger in Texas, including the kids) I hardly ever stop eating. We watch TV more than we did before. My favorite TV station is PBS kids. If you ever see Maya and Miguel, Arther, and Fetch with Ruff Ruffman those are my favorites.

I was less hungry in California than I am here. But I still do have one problem. I am always hungry at bedtime, and mom says, "The kitchen is closed!" And I hate that. If I could have it my way, I would get food whenever I feel like it. I would eat grapes, pizza, and other good foods.

How are everyone's dogs? Are they being nice right now? Write me back on the comments if you want.

I want my room to be rainbow. The sheets are circles like a target. I want to hang four sheets on the walls. By the way, this is what I want. But I might not be able to get it, which makes me sad, but I might too. We will have to buy a lot of the same kind of sheets. It will not have dark colors, meaning like black, because I like colorful and bright colors, like red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple.

Happy Father's Day, and also Mother's Day, even though it already passed. Tell me if you want when you comment back if your kids sent you a little note. I am very curious. Like Curious George.

From Abigail Rose DeHart.

4500 Napa Valley, Argyle, Texas

Hello, It's William posting on Heidi's Blog. Just wanted to put up some pictures of the house we are looking seriously at. Enjoy.

Here is the Front View! Behold the majestic peaks!


You can see that the back yard slopes up a bit in the back. However, half of the yard is level, and there is plenty of room for a play place. Yes! And the BBQ.


The east side of the house.


This is my favorite feature of the home--the fireplace. I am excited to have Claude, Tim, Stacy, all the Shackelfords, and of course the grandparents, and anyone else to come and sit by the fire.


Here is Sam's future bedroom--the study. My suggestion: put some saloon doors there for Sam and his six gun to barrel through.


Those aren't the Grand Tetons in the distance. You can't see them from here. However, the army corps. of engineers owns the property directly across from the house and we have a view of the forest.


The westside of the house. See, there is some distance between us and the neighbors. We can extend our fence forward and I can practice my archery skills on the weekend.

This Might Be The House

We have been feverishly looking for jobs, and have been researching homes regularly. We spent one whole day with a realtor and saw 14 homes from Denton and down south to Flower Mound, and we have done a lot of random driving and Realtor.com looking up and finding too. What I am discovering is that the homes I love (old, charming, like Whittier) cost about 160k and up if they are functional. There are some even more wonderful old ones for 300k, of course. The ones we can afford are falling off their foundations, and need major work, which takes them back out of our price range.

So, yesterday I looked up some 95k homes, and we took a tour. They ended up being either ugly in a run down neighborhood, or falling apart. On our way back from Denton, we decided to stop in at a tract that we saw the first day we were hunting to look again at a home that was 1950 sq ft. with 3 bedrooms and a study that could be a fourth bedroom. We had never seen inside, so we went in and looked around. And, now that I knew what our money could buy, I realized that this home is a great deal. It is brand new, trouble free, cute, and 5 miles south of Denton off the 35W. That means it is close to our new church, and out in the country. It is also 14 fwy miles from Jim and Erin. And, even better yet, the original price was 131k, and 15k had been dropped by the builder because the people had chosen their tile etc. and then backed out, and they really want to sell it.

It has all the things we want including a fireplace, tile instead of linoleum, and the study room, is close to where we want to be, in a tract that is almost finished. And now I know that 116k won't buy us much in other places. It looks like this will be the one. I have photos which I'll download soon. Oh, and the other good thing is that it will be ready June 15th, which is perfect timing for us. The DeHarts are helping us with the downpayment, which makes it all possible, so I think we are really going to have a house to call our own.

The next big hurdle is the job, so please keep praying for that. Will has put lots of applications out there, and will put out more, but we are waiting to see what turns up. Thanks again for your prayers!

Oh, we have put our cell phone on hold for the next three months to save money, so I'm sorry we won't have that up and running. Please call us on E and J's number...

Texas Life Continued

I just typed a letter to Grandpa, and realized that it would be a good newsy blog, so here goes...

We've been exploring our surroundings here, and last night we invited Erin and Jim to go down to the airport and watch airplanes with us. We drove all around the thing, and finally found a golf club right under the flight path for landing planes where we could pull off the road and get out. It was fun to see the jets come right over our heads. Sam and the girls loved it. They also had fun messing up fire ant mounds and watching the ants come flowing out in a panic.

We are still in the job hunt. William has three resumes in the hands of temp agencies, and we are also going through the process of getting the Calif teaching credential examined and approved of by the Texas state education dept. That could take two months, maybe more. But I don't think the schools can really even look at Will until he has the approval letter in his hand. So, the hunt is on for anything else to fill the gaps.

Dan and Jacquie DeHart are going to come out and visit us in a couple of weeks in their fifth wheel trailer. There is a really pretty campground about 4 miles from us that they can use, and we'll go hang out there during their stay. We are looking forward to that.

Another fun event is that we discovered the town of Grapevine. It is large now, but there is a really cute downtown area surrounded by craftsman style homes. It felt like Whittier at it's best, and there are lots of festivals and events in town, including an old steam engine train that you can take to Ft Worth. I think it's pretty expensive, but maybe someday we'll try it. I am salivating over the old homes. My dream would be to buy one and fix it up, but I'm not sure that's practical right now. There were some homes that had been refurbished, and they were running at about 250-350k. We definitely need something cheaper.

Oh, we also tried out a new church yesterday. It's called Glory of Zion, and its up in Denton, about 18 miles away, and it was a lot of fun. They had very lively worship, and the kids liked the Sunday School. The sermon was good, and we'll probably go back again. They pass out a book to all the visitors entitled "Experiencing the Holy Spirit" written by the pastor. It turns out that he is a Campus Crusade alum, and Dallas Theological Seminary grad who became a charismatic. I was glad to see that he had all the foundation of scholarly Bible study and Greek etc, because that shows that he can do it. He also announced that he is teaching a class called "The Word and Spirit" which is basically a how-to study the Bible in conjunction with the Holy Spirit. I was glad to see that Bible Study was highly valued from the pulpit. The other things I liked were that there were a mix of ethnicities, and a balance of men and women in the service, and a wide age range. So those are all healthy signs. We'll see how that goes.

The weather has been really nice. Its in the 70's, breezy and not too humid today. I'm really enjoying not needing to use lotion after every shower, and the warmer weather. When we left Palmdale it was in the 60's, and chilly at night, so I always had to take a jacket with me. It's probably warmer there now, but it was a big difference when we arrived here.

Walt and Judy Barnes are coming to visit on Thursday, so this week I'm going to help Erin get the house and room ready, and I'm also going to help her with cooking while they're here. I'll provide some starches.

So far we are really enjoing Texas. It is very green and beautiful, life is a bit slower, and the people are very friendly. We've been scouting the surrounding areas for homes, and have had fun discovering what is around us, and how to get there. I'm definately finding that I prefer an older home, but I also realize that the tracts have a lot to offer in the way of general convenience. I know the Lord has the right place for us, and the right job. So, we are waiting and responding as He points out. I was talking to Gretchen the other day, and she quoted Chris who basically was saying that "Responsibility" is "the ability to respond." I liked that definition, and shared it with William. That is what we are doing every day...responding with action to the opportunites that come along. It's like casting the bread upon the water, and now we are waiting for it to come back.

What Happened Today?

We went to the library this morning to use their wireless internet connection, since the one here at the Barnes house wasn't running. While there, Meg called me and I hurried out into the library foyer where I wouldn't offend the quiet rules with my phone. It was a bit awkward, since we had the double cell phone silences, and my voice still echoed loudly against the hard surfaces, and the kids kept running in and out, but we still had a good talk.

Meg gave me the local low-down on the area we are in, since she and Murry grew up here. The long and short is that she encouraged us to look in Denton for homes. So, on her recommendation, we drove the 14 miles north, and cruised the neighborhoods around the universities looking at houses. And, we found some great homes in older, treelined neighborhoods that were much closer to our price range.

So, tomorrow we are going with a realtor to look again at the area, and see inside a bunch of houses. I'm looking forward to seeing what's there. I like the fact that Denton is an older college town. I even found some homes that felt just like Whittier.

Surprisingly to me, I was super tired after we came home, so Erin and I made tacos together, and now the kids are in bed, and I'll go have some ice cream.

Oh, by the way, our cell phone minutes are out, so we need to talk to everyone after 9:00pm our time, or on the weekends. If you call, just leave a message and we'll pick it up later. Or, you can call us on Erin and Jim's phone anytime.

We Made It

I need to officially report that we made it to the Barnes' Oasis. We drove for three long days, day two being the worst, and rolled in at about 6:30pm on Tuesday. I have some photos of the drive, which I'll post when I can.

Since we've gotten here, we've been enjoying home cooked meals, good beds, and the pool. Today we got to drive around town and look at some of the neighborhoods where we could buy. It was fun to get oriented. I will say that it is much prettier here than I was imagining. There are lots of old trees, and right now everything is green. It is a far cry from the desert landscape we are used to. And, I am really enjoying the silence of the neighborhood.

So, tomorrow we go unpack the truck at the storage unit. I'm believing that it won't be as difficult to unpack as it was to pack, and it will be good to have the big yellow truck out of the yard.

One exciting event, we saw our first snake in the pool. It was Erin and Jim's first snake too. Fortunately it was a garden snake, since we were all swimming and it swam over William's shoulder. You bet we left the water quickly. Now we look carefully before we get in.

We are blessed by Erin and Jim's hospitality and generosity to us. And we are praying that the right job comes along for William. He'll be going to a teacher's job fair on Monday, and we'll see what happens. I know many of you are praying too, so thank you.

It's Been A Long Time Since I Worked This Hard

Today is the T minus one day in which we loaded the 26' rental truck with all our earthly posessions. William's uncles Jim and Jock, came and helped us, along with Dan and Jacquie. So, I figured out that we all worked 4 or 5 hours apeice, which adds up to 25-30 hours of work. Wow.

Yesterday, our good friends Jamie and Christina came over, and we all worked together finishing all the boxing and bagging and cleaning out things. It has been such a blessing to have friends and family help us with this huge task, and it was a lot more fun, too.

I have to tell a funny story about the Penske Truck rental pickup place. We drove this morning out to a part of Lancaster I'd never visited before, and for good reason. I was wondering if the store was really there because we were driving through Joshua Trees and tumbleweeds all alone, when we saw the place on the side of the road. We pulled into the dirt driveway, avoiding chickens, roosters and one large peacock who was showing off his plumes. We knew we were in the right place, because there were a number of Penske trucks parked in the yard. The business turns out to be a family owned business/homestead that has been in operation for 46 years. We walked into building, and began to notice the many collections lining the walls. There were Precious Moments figures, Pepsi bottles, various antiques, soaps and lotions for sale, more figurines behind glass, a lifesized poster of John Wayne, some calendars for tracking your pregnancy, a special pet food display, and two cats wandering it all.

We eventually got called back behind the partition, where Grandma was at the computer (grandpa was down with the flu), auntie was at the other desk, and two grandsons were around playing with the other computer. We sat down on our side of the desk facing the sign on the back of the computer that said, "If you are rude, mean, or just plain difficult there will be a $10.00 charge added to your bill for the trouble." We tried to be extra nice. And, it was necessary because our records didn't come up when our name was entered. Next, when it did come up, it suddenly disappeared. There was a five minute mystery until Grandma ferrited out the fact that Grandson had just unplugged a cord on the router, thus cutting off the internet. That got fixed, and we were back in business.

All the while, William was getting more and more nervous. I, on the other hand, was giggling at the uniqueness of the situation and surroundings. At one point, Betty came in. She was a skinny lady with long grey hair in a ponytail under a baseball cap. She wore an old flannel, and very baggy jeans that had seen many days of work. She told us in a raspy command that we had better be sure to buy insurance for the tow dolly, because one time some people had turned down the coverage and the dolly had been stolen, so they had to pay around $3000. Grandma sent her out to do her job, which was to locate the dolly, attach it to the truck, and bring the truck around. I think she is in charge of the outdoor inventory. I was just delighted to find so many unusual people in this unusual place, and it really started the day off right. We finally got everything settled, and left with our huge truck.

So, tonight we are relaxing, and having a BBQ sendoff at the DeHarts. We'll try to go to bed early, and leave around 5:00 tomorrow morning. We are going to take the more northern route through Flagstaff, AZ, Albequirqe, NM, and Amarillo, TX. It is supposed to be a much more beautiful route, and for us here in Palmdale, it is also more direct. Next time I'll try to post some photos of the move.

More Direction

Well, things are getting clearer. We have been waiting for some confirmation from the Lord about where to go, and, interestingly enough, He seems to be pointing towards Texas. I won't go into the various details, but things are pointing that way, and there is no other indication of somewhere else.

So, we are going to go for it, knowing full well that the Lord can do something dramatic to show us differently if we are off base.

We are leaving CA on April 30th in a moving van with the Hyundai towing behind. I'll drive the Mazda, and we'll do it in three days. We'll be moving in with Erin and Jim, while William finds a job, and we hunt for a house. Happily, there is a teacher job fair on May 8th which he can attend.

And, excitingly, we can actually afford to buy a home there. I'm a little dazed even imagining owning a home, since I've given up on the idea so completely as long as we're a one income family in Californa. I feel like living in Palmdale has helped prepare us for Texas weather, and I have gotten used to seeing most of the sky, which I like.

So, that's the latest. Please feel free to pray for us with the job and home hunt, and for safety as we travel.

Some News

Well, as most of you know, I have been waiting for news to see whether or not I was accepted to Wheaton. I got my letter today, and I was not accepted. Interestingly, William had a dream about a month ago in which we got the non-acceptance letter, so I kind of had to process the possibility then. So, while I am sad, I am also feeling a sense of relief in finally knowing for sure. I had to come to the place where I could trust the Lord to do the best for me, even if it was different that what I believed was best. And I know that He has dreams for my life that I have no concept of at this point.

This does leave us with less direction than we would have had if I'd been accepted, but it also feels like we have freedom for anything. We are waiting to see what the next path is. Oh, we gave our 30 day notice at the apartment, so we will be moving by April 30th for sure. The questions is, Where? There is always Texas, with Erin and Jim, who are being very encouraging and helpful to make the path smooth. We'll just see what happens in the next 22 days.

Now I know what it means to be "Tagged"

When Ariana tagged me, I actually didn’t know what that meant. I figured it out tonight when I was reading Aunt Lu’s blog, and I laughed at my own ignorance. So finally, Ariana, here you go…

Four jobs I've had in my life:
Babysitter
Wallpaperbook organizer/ duster of ornate objects for JP Adams in Whittier
Receptionist for Parkville Insurance
Customer Service Rep for Parkville Insurance

Four movies I can watch over and over again:
Pride and Prejudice (the five hour version)
The Prince of Egypt
My Fair Lady
Beauty and the Beast
(It probably seems juvenille to have cartoons on my list, but have you heard the music in these two?)

Four places I have lived:
Next door to the Mortuary, La Habra
The Homeplace, Whittier
The In-law’s, Agua Dulce
The “Affordable Housing” Complex, Palmdale

Four TV shows I love to watch (on DVD, rented from Hollywood Video):
Lost
Arrested Development (hilarious, thanks Ariana and Jared for the tip)
The Shield (Great writing, relationally/ character driven, but not for the faint of heart)
Alias seasons 1-3

Four places I have been on vacation (or just a trip:)
California Coast
Victoria, BC
Mindanao, Philippines
Grand Junction, CO

Four web sites I visit daily:
I don’t get online daily, but when I do, I
Look at blogs
Check the news at the Yahoo home page
Balance the checkbook at the bank site
Salivate over the Jjill clothing

Four of my favorite foods:
Chocolate
Pumpkin Seeds
Fruit
Whipped cream on fruit, or scones

Four places I would rather be right now:
In our next home
On vacation at a hotel on the Calif coast
At the Huntington Library
Visiting with friends

Four people I am tagging:
Heather Shackelford (hee hee)
Espen
Erin
Gretchen

The Latest Transition

I have become more comfortable with the idea that life is a series of transitions. And, just like in childbirth, transition is definately the worst time of the delivery. I said to William the other day, "I don't think I can handle this painful uncomfortable feeling for very long." And he reminded me of how quickly transition in labor occurs. Well, if he is right, this unknowing, excited, nervous feeling won't last for three months like I'm afraid it will.

To continue the birth metaphor, I also feel like I have no idea what the "baby" will be. I still don't know whether or not I'll be accepted to Wheaton. The "pregnancy" of realizing I wanted to go, getting the application, applying, thinking about it etc. has lasted for 10 months now. The Lord has had me working through the process of giving up that dream if it is not His dream for me, and I can honestly say that at this moment I feel like I can trust him to lead me to the place that will be best for me. So, if I don't get accepted, we really have no clue where we will end up. And if I do get accepted, there are still real hurdles to getting there before that is a sure thing. Ehhhhh

I am excited to see what happens. I am encouraged by your comments on William's blog, and really, I feel a lot of joy at the freedom to follow the Lord's leading, whatever that may be.

A Little Fashion Fun

We have been talking about letting Abby color her hair with KoolAid for around 2 years. I guess it is a sign of her personality that she wanted to color her hair (blue at the time) at age 5. So, today at Walmart, I happened upon the 20 cent packet of unsweetened KoolAid, and figured, why not? Here are some photos of the results. My red fingers are not included, but I think the color will last longer on them than Abby's hair.




I also wanted to post some photos from our drive to church on Sunday with snow around. It was gone soon, but definately novel. Our apartment is the building in the bottom photo. We walk up the walk, and our unit is the top balcony in the back.

Catching up

Since last writing, Gretchen and Chris got married, we experienced a real snowfall, and we made camping reservations for April.

The wedding was such a nice one. I loved the music, and it was a very meaningful time. I am happy to say that I think Gretchen and Chris got just the wedding they wanted. Erin's blog has good photos. I took mine with the 35mm camera. Too bad. We had a lot of fun enjoying the festivities, and Madeline, Abigail and Sam were running full steam looking cute and doing funny unique things during the weekend. It was great for them to be with family and friends who don't see them much.

This last weekend we had real snow. It was about 2 inches deep on Saturday night. The kids went out to play with the neighbors. How unusual for us here! Sadly, and a little ridiculously, there were 4 auto accidents on our street. You'd think people would slow down a little during a snowstorm. I guess we are so used to non-hazardous driving conditions that we can't concieve of it being different.

We are borrowing my dad's trailer and going camping over Easter break at San Mateo beach in April. We realized the we needed something unusual to look forward to, and it all worked out. I definately wouldn't have tent camped in April. We tried that a couple of years ago at San Simeon State Beach. After 3 night of 42 degree weather, and constant wind, I decreed that we must get to a hotel for the last night. Otherwise it wouldn't have counted as a vacation. More like affliction. So, that last night we really enjoyed ourselves cleaning up in a jet bathtub, and being out of the wind. I learned my optimistic lesson on that front. This time we should be fine in a trailer with a heater. I'm looking forward to it.

A Little Chess

Years ago, William taught me how to play chess. We played a lot, and I learned the basics. I finally stopped playing, though, because I never won. I am not very competative, but when my only experience of chess was losing, it just got a little old. The question was, "Do I feel like losing a game tonight?" rather than, "Do I feel like playing a game tonight?" I realized that I simply had no concept of how to go on the offensive and win. I could only defend until the inevitable end.

Lately, William and the girls have been playing after dinner. He keeps asking me to play too, but until last night I held out. As we played, I experienced anew the fresh experience of Chess with William.


Last night I actually gave him a run for his money. But I was helped immensely by the fact that twice during the game I was clued into his errors by his audible gasp as he realized his mistakes. (Nor did I let him take back the moves...What is chess anyway, but an exploitation of your opponent's errors?) I spent a couple of minutes figuring out what he saw, and for a while I was definately ahead. We played a pretty even game, but he finally did win. We each had a pawn and king on the board. This first photo is what William looked like upon his victory. He actually thought he'd lose, so his joy and delight were even more pronounced. In this next photo, he is showing Madeline (and Abigail, but not fully clothed) exactly what peices were left on the board before his luck turned around. Here are some quotes, "I have never won a game from that far down!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Heh heh heh". I actually wrote them down because it was so over the top. There were others, equally colorful, which I could't capture in time. So, we had some excitement.



























It actually ended up being fun, even if I did lose. I might continue for a while, and maybe I'll beat him sometime. I'll let you know.

Aging and Growing Up

I've been thinking about aging, and the passing of time, and the kids growing up lately. It started off when I was in Barnes and Noble, and in the background they were playing a Cure song off the "Kiss me, Kiss me" album. That was the theme album of my summer before 9th grade, and it was definately edgy then. So of course I had to reflect on the fact that it is basically Muzak now, and how wierd that I have all these memories built with the Cure as the soundtrack. And, again, I am aware that I must be the target audience for that background music. Just like those Honda Odyssey advertisments. If you do the math, I am exactly the target for those too. And, scarily, I'd like a Honda Odyssey. I'm feeling a little too predictable.

We passed a major milestone this week. I have been addicted to Sam having a number of pacifiers for bedtime. Yes, I know, he's way too old for a pacifier. But I've never taken them away because of my own need for him to have one. So, it was time for both of us to go off cold turkey. I decided to do what the Dollars did with Justin. He was allowed to "buy a toy" with his pacifier. I found a Thomas DVD with Percy engine attached; a very desireable aquisition. Sam was all excited about buying a Thomas video with his pacifiers. We gathered up all the ones we could find, put them in a baggie, and took them down to Hollywood Video. Incidentally, they all know me by first name-I'm there so much-Is it a bad thing? So, the girl behind the counter was happy to play along. Sam handed over the baggie solomnly, and it was over.

The first night he was sad, and cried some. He took Percy engine to bed with him, although it was small consolation for the artificial suckle. But he eventually fell to sleep. Last night was better, and I think tonight will be fine. Incidentally, his very chapped lips are also healing up.

So, we have crossed the potty training milestone, and the pacifier milestone. Just in time for his June 4 year old birthday. Heh Heh. I feel a sense of freedom, as my life slowly becomes less complicated.