The Petersens

We have been spending a lot of time with Darren and Jennifer. It all started on December 23rd, when we finally got our families together after going to GOZ for 18 months. We had such a great time that we invited them over for Christmas Eve the next day and decorated gingerbread cookies with all the kids, and stayed up late talking and letting the kids watch movies. They have 5 kids aged 10 and down, and Jenn is about to give birth to number 6. She homeschools and maintains household order, and Darren works on the computers at UNT, and plays sax in our church worship band. All our kids like each other, and get along great, so it's easy to hang out. We are blown away to find a couple who we feel like we've known forever. This weekend their kids are with grandma, so we're getting a babysitter and going out for their anniversary. We're all looking forward to it. 

Yearning For Zion

I spent a couple of hours yesterday watching video and reading articles about the Yearning For Zion Ranch situation (down here in Texas, no less). I also read some articles about women who have left the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints.

This blog is a comment that I wrote in response to Jonalyn Fincher's blog. She was talking about the need for freedom for women to do whatever they are called to do in life; i.e. work or stay home, as well as questioning the sanctity of "mother love" as an instinct in women in light of the FLDS mothers who allowed their children to live in an abusive situation, but are wanting their children back. I agree with Jonalyn in her desire to bring freedom to women in the church who have been under restrictive or controlling lifestyles. But I don't think that it has to do specifically with working, or staying home with kids, or other life situations.

I believe that the real issue we are talking about here is an identity issue, and a spiritual issue. I have been both a full time mom and a full time worker at different times during my adult life. What I have found is that freedom in my life comes not from my physical circumstances, but from freedom in my spirit to be the person God is calling me to be. I am changing in Him each day, and I will be until I die. What form it takes in the natural is not so much the point as my right to obey the Lord as He leads me.

I had to learn that my wants and needs are valid, that my "no" is valid, and that I can trust my instincts. Control of any kind is actually abuse. Control can be maintained by religious reasoning, physical intimidation, verbal intimidation, and things as subtle as undermining one's confidence in one's basic instincts.

I see the women in the FLDS church subject to all these kinds of abuse in an overt way. I agree with Jonalyn that it happens in the Christian church too. The issues of women's roles is one place where it can happen, but that is just a small part of it. Anytime guilt is used to control behavior, or when fear is part of our Christian walk, we are being controlled by a spirit other than the Holy Spirit. "Shoulds" and "Oughts" are not from the Lord either. It is much bigger in our Christian culture than we realize, and we can't see it until we move out of it.

Men suffer the same bondage that women do if they are kept in any way from the freedom God has for them. I believe that men who want to control the people around them are in as much bondage if not more than those they are controlling. I should add here that women are equally part of the problem when it comes to controlling. It just looks different most the time.

Ultimately, what we are really dealing with here is the age old battle between God and Satan. God always wants to lead us into freedom, and Satan always wants to lead us into bondage. When Jesus came to earth, he did treat women amazingly differently than their culture. But he also treated men differently. He accepted sinners and oppressed of all kinds, and announced his ministry with the passage from Isaiah 61..."The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to preach Good News to the poor, He has sent me to proclaim that captive will be released, that the blind will see, that the downtrodden will be freed from their oppressors, and that the time of the Lord's favor has come."

Honestly, as I have begun to walk in the freedom that comes because the Spirit of the Lord is in me, my distinctions between men and women, or circumstances, or functions in life has melted away. I now see myself, and the Christians around me, as a part of the body of Christ, where there is "neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female." I am so delighted to walk in the same ministry that Jesus did-That of bringing freedom to the captives. Any time I hear His voice and obey, I bring the same freedom that He did; to myself, and to those around me, no matter who they are. They might be my children, they might be my coworkers, they might be the people I interact with daily. It doesn't really matter who. 

On Sunday night we celebrated Passover, which is the perfect picture of how the Lord takes us out of our bondage and into freedom. It's pretty ugly- there are the plagues, the unhappy Pharaoh, the leaving of the familiar, moving into the unknown, insurmountable obstacles like the Red Sea, and even 40 years wandering in the desert if we don't quite get it. But it is the hallmark of God's ministry in our lives. 

My heart breaks for the women of the Yearning For Zion ranch. And yet, I'll bet you anything this is God answering their yearning. Because He will always find and free those who truly yearn for Him.

Snow Day

This morning I left for work, and it was cold and overcast. By noon it was snowing big cotton ball sized flakes. At 1:30 a guy at church said that the Denton schools were closing down, so I rushed over to the kids' school, and got them. We crawled home at 15mph with the many other non-snow drivers, and made it. I probably could have used chains, which of course I don't have. William is just now walking in the door; it took him an hour and a half to get home. Meanwhile, the kids made some big snowmen in the front yard.

Hi There

So, almost two months later, I'm back for an update. I started my job working at GOZ, and even though I'm only in the office 20 hrs a week or less, I'm still very busy. Those hours at home were good for getting a lot done. I'm adjusting to doing things a new way, in less time. Or doing less...:-) So far my biggest work has been to make sure all the volunteers are in place each Sunday. Today was the most sketchy, because I had three out of six workers gone. It definately was a Trust God day, and it worked out. I shuffled people around, got a couple of friends to fill in for an hour each, and one mom actually asked me if I needed anyone (bless her), so she filled out the baby nursery. I think I'm going to send out some Thank You cards this week. Being in the church office has been fun. I'm getting to know a lot of people, and I'm having a great time being an extrovert.

A couple who pastor at our church have gotten the green light on starting a married with kids group. Today we had them and three other couples and their kids over to our house to talk about it. I'm excited to have some community, and I know that many other families will too. I made a list from the nursery roster of possible families, and came up with about 40 couples. That kind of surprised everyone. But there really is a need. Our church is growing, and people need to plug in somehow. I think it will be good.

Tonight we are expecting some exciting weather. All weekend its been balmy, 70's with cloud cover blowing in from the south. Somewhere in the early morning, we are supposed to have thunderstorms, and possibly flash floods, as well as snow and freezing rain when the cold front from the north hits. Tomorrow is supposed to be freezing, with highs in the 50's. There is a tornado watch in effect, which means tornadoes are possible. We'll sleep peacefully, expecting children and thunder sometime in the early morning, and the weather radio next to the bed to let us know of any excitement. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

The girls got to be in a Purim play Dinner Theater at church this weekend, and Abigail was Esther. She did great, and spoke her lines clearly and loud enough. We loved seeing our girls on stage. The middle schoolers did a Cowboy Purim, with lots of western movie knockoff. That was funny, and they lip synced some funny Cowboy Purim songs that someone found. We had a dinner beforehand, and had a great time with various friends we gathered at our table. I met a lady in the parking lot who just moved here from Nebraska at the end of December. She hasn't met many people yet. I found out a lot about her; her story is like ours, and so many people at GOZ: God told her to come here, so she came. She left behind her grandchildren and children, and is delighted to be here. It feels like we are living in a magnet, with people coming from all over. I wonder what's going to happen next?

On Wounds and Bad Theology

I read Grandpa's letter this week in which he talked about the old Holiness theology from way back when. We found out that the old Holiness bird isn't actually quite dead recently in a theological "discussion" with a friend. He had a number of out of context verses to prove the point that there were two levels of salvation, and we went round and round for a while.

What we've seen in our friend is that it is all about his wounds from his absent father being superimposed on God. He only can imagine a God who requires perfect behavior in order to accept us, and also really doesn't love us or want a relationship with us. I'll bet you that crazy theologies could be directly traced back to father issues in those purporting them.

Grandpa talked about the good preaching from the Greek, and scripture in context being a big answer for this (and all) kind of heresy. I agree. But I also think that in whatever ways people are wounded, there is a wrong theology for them to agree with. Or they'll make one up that works for them. ie. Joseph Smith. (Or maybe I should say that Satan is standing ready with a perversion of the truth to feed them.) Their reality that they've experienced matches a messed up view of God. When Jesus shows up in their lives and actually loves them, and heals their hearts, the theology changes to match His reality. Suddenly large portions of scripture make sense.

Interestingly, I think that fewer Christians than we might expect have had that kind of personal encounter with Jesus that changes their view of reality. I think that a weakness in our American Christian culture is to substitute preaching and knowledge of the Bible for the encounter with the Lord through the Holy Spirit. I remember thinking in College that we talked a lot about our "relationship" with Jesus, but I really didn't know how to have a relationship with a person that I couldn't see or hear. I wanted to have a real relationship with this living God, not just talk about it like I knew what I was talking about. I'd say that a lot of pretending was going on, in me and my friends. I told the Lord that I wanted a real relationship with Him, not what I had. And, He's definitely been working on that since.

I see now that a relationship with Him is impossible if the Holy Spirit is not given the correct place in my life. The Holy Spirit is the one that Jesus left to be our teacher and comforter and empowerer. If I'm afraid of the Holy Spirit, then I miss out on the person who is meant to minister to me in my daily life, through the Bible, and other ways. He's creative. And He's one and the same with Jesus and God. So nothing He does will violate the nature of who God is or scripture. There are boundaries, but they feel different than the intellectual exercise I used to engage in as my normal operating system for my Christian life.

Simmering Down

The holidays are over, our house guests are gone, and everyone is back in school. This week I enjoyed getting the house back into order, and relaxing. I love having family (Dan and Jacquie DeHart and our friend Wendy) stay with us, and I love having everyone home for the Christmas break. But I also appreciate the structure of the schedule when we go back to it.

During the last week our church hosted a big conference at the UNT basketball stadium. I had fun working in the concession stand on Thursday and Friday for four hours each. I always laugh to realize anew what a people person I am. I love helping people get what they need, and the pressure doesn't bother me. It reminded me of when I used to help Aunt Gretchen sell rubber stamps in college. This time I was selling coffee and snacks. But the same rush of people. In return, the church gave me and the other volunteers a $50 gift certificate to the GOZ store, and the new worship CD. I felt more than compensated for my time and effort.

I'm enjoying our new car, and so is William. At the dealership, we had a choice between a 4-cylinder model, and the 6-cylinder super fancy model. I convinced him that the price difference wasn't enough to justify getting less car, so we got the really nice one. He's glad he listened to me as we zoom along at 85 mph with little engine effort. It's definitely the nicest car I've ever owned.

We are looking forward to my parents and Gretchen and Anders' visit in February. We are going to go to my cousin Chad's wedding, and have BBQ at a great place we just discovered, among other things.

Bourne Then and Now

This weekend we watched The Bourne Ultimatum, and then The Bourne Identity, because one is not enough. I love these films, but everytime I see one, I have to get on my soapbox about action film heros now vs. in the 80's.

When I first saw The Bourne Identity five years ago, I enjoyed it so much that I decided to read the Robert Ludlum novels which the movies are based on. I was very surprised to discover that Jason Bourne in the novels is really a chauvanistic jerk. He kidnaps Marie from a hotel and forces her to help him at gun point. It's been long enough since I read them that I don't remember if they get together, but I think at the least she helps him of her own free will after that. He is also ruthless and amoral. I recommend the books, because the stories are great, but they are definately different. There is also a Bourne Identity movie made much closer to the time of the books, and it's Bourne is very close to the book Bourne. We didn't enjoy it very much.

However, knowing the books, I laugh everytime I watch the new Bourne movies. It is such a great example of how the cultural expectations for men and relationships leave a lasting imprint on the hero. Far from the macho jerk in the books, Bourne in the movies is a Really Good Guy. He's an assassin, but he only kills the other assassins who are trying to kill him first. He doesn't carry a gun, but rather finds one each time he has to use one. He can speak any language, evade a chase in any tiny vehicle, defend himself with a ballpoint pen or rolled up magazine, yet he is lost without Marie. When it comes time to enlist Marie's help, he offers her a lot of money, and lets her choose. That is so much more appropriate behavior, because women today need to choose their destinies. It isn't until the bad guys kill Marie that he moves from reactive to proactive, and we know it's all because his heart is broken, so we can forgive just about anything. He's a killer we can love. He hardly even swears.

I sit there laughing and pointing out these things as we watch, and I love the films because Bourne is the kind of hero I can empathize with, for all the above reasons. I guess I'm as shaped by the culture I live in as Bourne is.

GOZ Christmas musical

This year Madeline and Abigail are dancing in the grand finale of our Glory of Zion Christmas musical. I've been having fun going to the rehersals with them and seeing more of the musical. Their part is at the end, but if any of you would like to see the musical, you can watch the live webcast online on Dec. 15th at 6:30pm CST. The link is http://www.gloryofzion.org/. You just choose the webcast info box at the bottom left corner of the screen, and follow the directions. The picture quality isn't the best, but the sound will be good. I'll try to wave at the camera. Maybe you'll see me!

My Own Little Hanukkah

This year we are celebrating Hanukkah, along with Christmas. So, tonight, something funny happened. For a little background, Hanukkah is a celebration of the miracle that happened when Judah Maccabee led a small army against the Romans, and reclaimed the temple in Jerusalem. It was before the time of Christ, during the 400 years between Old and New Testament. After they cleaned and prepared the temple, the Jews dedicated it again to the Lord. The Feast of Dedication, or Hanukkah, was scheduled to last for a week, but when they went to light the menorah, there was only enough oil for one day. It took 8 days to consecrate new oil for burning, so they couldn’t wait for that to happen. The miracle was that the oil lasted for the entire eight days, until the new oil was ready and could be used.

So Hanukkah is a celebration of God’s miracles of provision, and the Hanukkiah is a menorah with nine candle holders instead of seven like in the menorah. The middle candle is called the “servant candle,” which is a prophetic picture of Jesus. Jesus is called the light of the world, and said that if you want to be great in God’s kingdom, you must be a servant.

So, back to the story…I got nine votive candles and lined them up with little tea lights in them. I lit the center candle and the first candle on the left. We'll light one more each night. We enjoyed it for a while, and then I blew them out. William came by and said, “Hey, these aren’t burning!” I responded, “Yes, I blew them out because I didn’t want to use up all the tea light before the end of the eight days.” Ummm….Oh, that’s exactly what Hanukkah is celebrating-the miracle of the oil that lasted when there was only enough for one day. It struck me really funny that I was having the same worries the Jews had. I’m not sure I’m quite able to keep the votives burning for eight days straight just to see if the Miracle of Light happens in my living room.

By the way, Jesus celebrated Hanukkah too. See the following scripture.

John 10:22-39

Then came the Feast of Dedication at Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was in the temple area walking in Solomon's Colonnade. The Jews gathered around him, saying, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly."

Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father's name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

Again the Jews picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus said to them, "I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?"

"We are not stoning you for any of these," replied the Jews, "but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God."

Jesus answered them, "Is it not written in your Law, `I have said you are gods'? If he called them `gods,' to whom the word of God came-and the Scripture cannot be broken- what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, `I am God's Son'? Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does. But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father." Again they tried to seize him, but he escaped their grasp.

It's interesting that Jesus keeps referring to the miracles He has performed, especially in light of the fact that they were celebrating the miracle God did at the first Feast of Dedication at the time.

I Got A Job!

About six weeks ago, the girl in charge of the children's ministry at our church told me she was going to be needing an assistant to take care of the nursery. She thought of me right away, since we've worked together well on that before. So, I've been all excited for a while now.

In the meanwhile, she's been trained to take on more responsibilities, and I've been waiting to see what happens. This Sunday, she officially introduced me to Chuck Pierce, who is the president of our church organization, and whom I've only known by proximity. Then, yesterday she called me because she's working on a job description for me. It looks like I'll be working with her about 25-30 hours a week; coordinating the nursery, and helping with other stuff for the children's ministry.

I'm really excited to have a job, especially one like this, where the hours work with the kid's school schedule, and the fun of working at church with her.

Last night I made a fake turkey dinner with a roasted chicken, cranberry sauce, box stuffing, green beans and gravy. It was really good. I felt stuffed afterwards, just like I do on Thanksgiving. Those flavors just require eating a little extra. I resisted the urge to make a pumpkin pie. That can happen another night.

On the Abigail front, Abby's teacher called last week to let me know that Abby had taken all the tests with the school counselor, and was now going to be allowed to be tested for dyslexia. They do a bunch of IQ tests to see if the child's intelligence is far enough ahead of their reading skills to warrant dyslexia testing. So, now we know what we've always known...Abby is a smart cookie. I have been very pleased to see her reading signs and things for fun while we are out doing things. It is going to be great to see her get the help she needs to move on with reading.

I've been using coconut oil for all kinds of skin issues lately. I got an ant bite the other day, and I put coconut oil on it, and the pain went away. I also rub it on Abby's eczema, and that always clears right up, and when Sam stepped on an ant mound accidentally in sandals and got about 11 bites, I rubbed it on his feet and put socks on them. His bites are numerous enough that I keep doing it every night, and before he went to school today. I think it makes a big difference. I know that Aunt Luanne had a coconut oil business of some kind. What happened with that? I had to buy my coconut oil at the natural foods store for $15 for a 16oz container. There's some money in that stuff...

Bacon Bits

I was very surprised this morning when I went out to take the kids to the bus stop to see ICE on our van windows. I had no idea we were going to hit freezing tempuratures this fast. Especially since last week we were in the 80's. My thin summer blood is slowly thickening up. The leaves on our oak tree turned red overnight, and I'm being hit with an urge to bake. I think its safe to say that fall is here.
A couple of Saturdays ago Madeline came out of her bedroom, saw Will and I finishing up some bacon, and said sadly, "I want some bacon too!" I responded, tenderly, "I'm so sorry honey, there were only seven pieces." But then I realized how rediculous that sounded. Only seven? William sheepishly said, "Actually, there were nine." I couldn't stop laughing, and Madeline was sitting there with a confused look on her face, trying to figure out what was so funny. You'd think that nine peices of bacon would keep a family of five at least slightly satisfied for bacon. But, that day, it didn't. Will and I now repeat the line "I'm so sorry honey, there were only seven peices of bacon" when things seem a little out of balance around here.

Moose Alert!

OK, I think Fall has finally come to Denton. I'm a little wary to say so, because it might be 90 degrees tomorrow, but last night I left two windows open 1 inch each, and the circulating fan on, and the house was 68 degrees by morning. We've been A/C-ing to keep it at 75 degrees for the last five months. I love being able to open the windows and air everything out finally. I realized that I'm used to open windows from life in California, so it's been a little strange to get used to having them closed so much of the time. I see now the value of candles in freshing the old air.

Abigail said something really funny the other night, but before I tell the story, I'll give a little history. Abby has consistantly been about one year behind grade level in her reading abilities, and we even had her repeat first grade in home school to give her time to catch up a bit. This year she's in third grade. A few days into the school year, her teacher called me to say that she loves Abigail, she's a great student, but have we ever considered getting her tested for dyslexia? I think she was expecting me to balk at the idea, so was surprised when I said we never have had her tested, but that we'd be very grateful for any help or illumination shed on the problem. I had been praying for some kind of breakthrough for Abby, and I felt like this was the thing. So I gave her the go-ahead for whatever process is involved. I had to laugh because her teacher said, "Well, I'm happy to say that her difficulty reading hasn't affected her self-confidence!" Yes, she'd noticed that...

Back to the story... Last night Abigail said to me, "Mom, why do I have to learn to read? I can read street signs, like 'STOP' and 'MOOSE!'" I'm afraid that here in North Texas that may not be the most necessary skill... So we had a little conversation about the value of reading, and so on. By the way, Abby has a new blog. You can get to it with the link on this blog.

Here are a few road signs that Abby, and any Texas driver should know... Definately be aware of "Armadillo X-ing." I have never seen a live Armadillo, yet, but I have seen many dead ones on the side of the road.

I also recommend that the crazy cross country truck drivers pay close attention to this one. And Abby too, for that matter, because flipped trucks are a surprisingly common sight on the freeways here. William even had a major backup one day because a truck had flipped over on an overpass, and was balancing on the edge, so all the traffic going under had to be diverted to the frontage road. I also have to add the story about the flipped FedEx truck. There were packages scattered in the fields on the side of the freeway for hundreds of feet. Will and I had fun imagining scenarios: "I'm sorry ma'am, but your package is somewhere in the middle of Texas. We won't be able to retrieve it..." or "Joe, we need to get someone down there to collect and catalog what fell out. Get some guys on it and report by Monday." (Meanwhile, there is a severe thunderstorm...) Or, "Opps." And, to show you how common this problem is, there is another story about a randomly tipped truck on the onramp to the I35. It was just lying on it's side in the praire grass like a beached whale. It wasn't even a very sharp turn. How does this keep happening?

And then, my favorite saying, "Turn around, Don't Drown." Whenever we have a flashflood warning, the computer voice at the end of the broadcast says this in an eerie monotone. I like to copy it when we get lots of rain.

And of course, this being Texas, Abby really should become aware of possible cattle danger. Also appropriate is the motorcycle in the corner. On warm, but not too hot, days, we see many middle-aged men with no helmets crusing the area. Maybe someone should make a sign that emphasizes the safety of helmets. Helmet-less riders cause us more worry than the other hazards combined. I guess its all about perspective.

Oh, Abby's testing will begin in a few weeks. The red tape is long and tangled, I guess. But the district has a great program that makes a big difference. I'm looking forward to seeing what they do with her.

Happy Birthday, Madeline!

Madeline was 11 on Sept. 20th. Wow. She pooled all her birthday money to buy a Nintendo DS lite. It's the first piece of high tech equipment owned by one of my children. I read an article recently about how 'tweens are demanding more high tech toys. And I realized that I now have a "'tween". Hmm. I'm glad to be a young mom. Most people think that Sam is my oldest, and they're surprised when I tell them I have two other older daughters. It's kind of fun, actually.

On another note, I got a part-time job as assistant to the children's ministry director at church. We have worked together on nursery things before, so I know we work well together. I haven't actually started the job yet. I'm thinking things will start in October. But its a new page in my life that I'm looking forward to.

Encore...

This spider has definitely been the most popular thing on my blog for a long time. William could not resist getting another photo for my appreciative audience. Here's lookin' atcha.

Things Are Bigger in Texas

At the end of July we discovered this spider in our backyard. We had seen few others on the bushes near the pool, and had marveled at the size and color. I put my hand there to give a sense of proportion. You can see a look of slight concern on my face, although I'm sure this is a harmless garden spider. The size is just creepy. And so are the bright yellow markings.

But, I will say that more bugs have been fun for the kids. Abby and Sam love to catch crickets and grasshoppers; Abby is quite fearless about grabbing them. We also have been seeing decent sized toads at night, along with flying bugs we've never seen in California.

Fall Snap

Today was the first day with a cold snap in the air. This morning, instead of the usual 85 degree plus weather we've been experiencing, it was 65 degrees. I opened the windows for the first time in about 5 months, and am really enjoying the fresh fall air.

A Taste of New Year's Day

You can check Erin's blog later, but I will announce that her baby was born today at 12:30pm. Congratulations Erin and Jim! I'll let them give the rest of the facts on their blog.

I was cleaning out my refrigerator yesterday, and I found a container of bleu cheese that had no purpose. I saw that I had the rest of the stuff for a cheese ball, so I made three small ones last night. Today, I sat down with a mound of cheese ball and crackers for lunch. As I tasted it, I had the immediate thought, "Tastes like New Year's!" It is so wierd how a taste can take you somewhere. We only made cheese balls at New Year's, so to eat one in September is like time travel. Yummy.

Some Good Books

I found a mystery series that I'm enjoying. It's called the Dame Frevisse Medieval Mystery series, by Margaret Frazer. The main character is a Benedictine nun. They are set in medieval England in the 1400's. Besides great writing and character development, I'm enjoying the prayers that Dame Frevisse thinks about through out her day. It's almost like reading a devotional sometimes. Each story takes place in a different realm of medieval society, so I'm learning a lot about that culture. Anyway, I highly recommend these books.

The other series I'm enjoying is the #1 Ladies Detective Agency books by Alexander McCall Smith. I've read most of them, and when I'm in the mood for Africa instead of medieval England, I just switch books. His other series, The Sunday Philosophy Club, and The Portuguese Irregular Verb books are also very good. I love the fact that one Scottish author can write so personally about Botswana, Scotland, and Germany. Each series has its own feeling; the characters are different from each other, but the things that make Alexander McCall Smith good are there in each one. One theme in all three series is what it means to be an individual as part of a larger community. He also does a great job of exploring moral choices in relationships, and the dynamics of relationships in general.

Portuguese Irregular Verbs is the funniest little three volume set. It describes the misguided exploits of a relationally clueless bachelor German professor. He is always getting into embarrassing situations, but half the time he’s not quite aware of it. Everyone around him is responding appropriately, but he thinks they’re the ones with the problem. When he is aware of his relational mistakes, he is in agony trying to fix the problem, which usually leads to more problems. They are fun reading.

Last but not least, I started a new Beth Moore bible study last night called “Believing God.” In her opening lecture, Beth talked about the gap between our theology and our reality. She said that faith, or believing God, is the bridge that crosses that gap, and connects our theology and reality into an authentic experience. I was so blessed by the last study I did, and I’m looking forward to this one.

The Bride of Christ

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be the Bride of Christ...personally and corporately. I've made friends with a Lebonese woman in my town. She is really beautiful, and I feel like she is the closest match I've met that might fit into the Song of Solomon poem. I never really got the references to Pomogranates and flocks of goats and so on. But for some reason those words make sense next to her.

She showed me her wedding photos last time we met. It was great to see the entire 24 hour process captured, with the traditional ceremonies and dancing and so on. She said that they bascially start saving for their weddings at birth, and when they hear about how much celebrities here in the US spend on weddings they laugh, because proportionally, it is less than the usual Lebonese wedding. It was really lavish, with jewels and silks and glittery makeup and expensive everything. Lots of food and dancing, with my friend the center of the celebration as the bride.

Seeing the wedding got me thinking about what it means to be the Bride of Christ. For some reason the Lord chose to express His heart to us through the middle eastern culture, with the Jews as His chosen people, and the Bible being culturally based there. As I ruminated on what I'd seen in current times, the ancient words began to hold more meaning. The bride is so valued and lavished on, and Christ sees the Church that way. It's all about the Bride.

I used to see myself as a tool of the Lord. I believed that my purpose was to be used by him for his purposes. My needs and growth were less important than being useful to the Lord. Over the years, my view has changed, and now I see myself (and each Christian) as the main point. I am not here to be used, I am here to become exactly the woman that I am destined to be. In that process, I get to do the good works that have been planned since the beginning of time. I believe those good works are specific for each person. They fit who we are, and it's less about doing lots of good, than it is doing exactly the good that is specifically planned for us. It's about Trust and Obey.

When I think about the Church as the Bride, I see a whole new level of value. We aren't just a bunch of people who believe certian truths, who are saved from hell, who behave, who gather each Sunday. We are a living body that is being fashioned into a bride fit for the King. How different to hear the King say, "You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners." (Song of Songs 6:4) And His banner over us is Love.

New Old Home Details

We've been doing lots of things to our house. We've been here for about 13 months now, and things are getting more refined. One of the few things I don't like about my kitchen is that it doesn't have any windows. The wall where the window would be has the stove on it, so that's that. I realized that the newer houses here tend to have less windows than the old houses I've grown up in. I'm sure it because we have to heat and cool the house pretty much all year, so it saves money. Here you can see my latest brain wave: Hanging old windows between the livingroom and kitchen. I found them at a Habitat for Humanity warehouse where contractors take their old home parts and dump them instead of a landfill. You can find just about anything that used to be in a house. And in the back was a big pile of old windows. They were $2.50 each. Obviously no one sees any value in them. I've been thinking about how to get a few into the house somehow for about a year, since I saw them last summer.

In this photo of me and the kids last Sunday morning, you can see the shelf behind me, which Dan DeHart installed for me last summer. I've put a bunch of the things that I never had a spot for before, including a collection of old kitchen utensils from Uncle Elmer. I guess my goal is to make my new house look as old as possible. Its kind of working.